One Continuous Spin
by WordsOfASong
Summary: Too conflicted to reflect on her personal traumas, Lily Evans throws away her Head Girl duties for a night as she attempts to indulge in the absence of her own feelings. A few hours of Firewhiskey lead to a discovery Lily would never have thought she would have found.
1. Spider's Web

**Disclaimer: **_Harry Potter_ is not my creation, though I tend to make the habit of sticking with it through and through.

**Author's Note: **It's been around a year since I've posted a fic. I've written plenty, but they've all been abandoned. What a shame. On to greater news, this one is complete. I'm splitting it up into chapters just because I can. Unfortunately, my chapters are never as lengthy as I'd like them to be. As a fresh start, I've changed my pen name. I'm currently WhatTheFinnick (same as my Tumblr URL), but I was previously LiveLaughLovePotter.

**.x.x.x.**

The young red-head supposed that certain days could have gone better. Perhaps on the fifth of June, James Potter wouldn't have hung Severus Snape by his ankles in mid-air. Perhaps on the fifth of June, Severus Snape, in spite of his own embarrassment, would not have called Lily Evans a "filthy mudblood." And perhaps two years later, on this very date, Lily Evans would not have realized that she had long ago fallen into a hopeless mess called love.

Though the ties of friendship are inevitably severed and old doors close behind rusty locks, time never stops spinning. The spider continues to weave its way through an endless delicate web. A quilt left unfinished, time weaves its way through the hours and tosses fate into unpredictable whirlwinds.

And what an unpredictable evening it had been on the fifth of June in Lily's seventh year.

"Brilliant work on your sleeping draught, Ms. Evans! My heavens, it's possibly the best one I've seen in all my years of teaching," praised Professor Horace Slughorn as his seventh year students emptied the dungeons.

"Thank you, Professor," responded Lily. "It wasn't all too difficult to brew."

As she tidied her work area, she avoided conversation with her teacher. Slughorn was best known for his attempts to lure in valuable students, and Lily was certainly not in the mood for such a discussion on this dreary afternoon.

"Ah, a witch of your caliber, I should hope not," Slughorn chuckled and paused. "Now, I'm sure you've heard that I am holding another gathering this Friday evening. If your schedule can offer a few hours next Saturday, I would love to have you attend."

One unacquainted with the large, toad-like man would be touched by his warm tone and gestures. How sweetly he could deceive an innocent bystander surprised Lily to no avail.

"Thank you, Professor, really," she paused, combing through her list of prepared excuses. "But I promised James Potter that I would watch the Quidditch match against Ravenclaw that night."

Slughorn's smile faltered, "How unfortunate."

"I hope to catch you at the next one, Professor," said Lily as she collected her bag and started for the door.

With her mind caught up in Slughorn's affairs, Lily did not pay attention to the young man walking through the same door. The two collided in quite an ungraceful manner and scattered the contents of Lily's unzipped bag.

"Oh, Merlin's _beard_," she sighed in exasperation. Five minutes after the bell with Slughorn was plenty enough for one day, she thought. "Sorry, sorry, I wasn't-"

Severus Snape lay sprawled across the floor, quickly gathering Lily's books.

"Here," he thrusted a stack of papers at her, stood up, and slithered to his seat in the Potions class.

"Thanks," she murmured.

"_I never meant to call you a Mudblood. It just-"_

"_Slipped out? It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends. You've chosen your way. I've chosen mine_,"

Lily cringed at the harsh words that echoed in her memory from their last fight. Just two years ago, she and Snape had been the best of friends. Actually, it had been a lot longer since she and Snape had been close. His Slytherin tendencies had overpowered the duo's friendship beginning in his third year. Until their fifth year, Snape had spaced himself from Lily. He hid secrets. He disappeared with his Slytherin friends in the middle of the night. Rumors had surfaced in the beginning of their fifth year that Death Eater recruitment had begun at Hogwarts. Though Lily tried to drown her suspicions, it was difficult to ignore Snape's secrecy. When James Potter had him strung by the ankles in midair, Snape met his boiling point. He was done with Potter's antics. He was done being embarrassed. He was done being doubted. Lily had marched up to Potter on the fifth of June, ordering him to release Snape. Snape, in the face of embarrassment from being "rescued" by a girl, a _muggle-born_ at that, uttered the very words that cut the link of their friendship. There are certain lines you cannot cross when it comes to people you care for, or don't care for in this matter, and Snape had stretched the rope too thin.

"_You call everyone of my birth mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"_

Lily collected her bag once again and closed the door behind her.

**Author's Note**: I would honestly love to hear what you all think – the good and the bad. Please leave a review if you have anything at all you wish to say! The next chapter will be up shortly. It's already written, but it needs a bit of revision.


	2. Responsibility

**Disclaimer**: Harry Potter = not mine. Thank you.

**x.x.x.**

"Erumpent horns," Lily grumbled to the Fat Lady.

"Surely, a smile would be more suitable to a lady of your nature," urged the Fat Lady warmly as she swung open.

Lily stumbled into the portrait hole. She had been desperately awaiting a quiet common room where she could settle down to study for her N.E.W.T.s. But because fate had such an unfortunate hold on Lily Evans, she walked into a full-blown celebration. The Quidditch final, she had forgotten, had just come to an end. Gryffindor's apparent win stirred the party animals in the hearts of each upperclassman.

"Lils!" called Mary McDonald, her dorm mate. "Over 'ere," her slurred words did nothing to hide her excessive drinking habits. Mary staggered over the lap of seventh year Rufus Fudge which she had been previously seated upon.

"Come on. Lemme grab a drink for ya."

"Mary, you really ought to be more careful when you're drunk. I'm not sure Fudge has your best intentions in mind at the moment," Lily glanced over to Rufus who smirked among his buddies.

"Drinks on me, Lils."

Rufus Fudge had never exactly been malicious toward Lily, but he was certainly unpleasant. With a couple drinks under his low-tolerant belt, he was no better.

Mary threw an arm over Lily's shoulders, mostly for balance, and led her to the bar.

Gryffindor never came up short for Quidditch celebrations. Complete with hundreds of bottles of Butterbeer, kegs of Firewhiskey (only to be brought out after eleven when the younger students had gone to bed. Lily, as Head Girl, made sure of that – after a bit of persuasion from James Potter himself), boxes upon boxes of different Honeydukes' sweets, and the occasional fireworks, Gryffindor common room was a hot spot for entertainment. On nights for special celebration, James Potter, especially skilled in Transfiguration, conjured up a bar. Lily never understood how a student could be almost as talented as Professor Minerva McGonagall herself, but she stopped questioning it after years of disappointment in her own talents. Not that she was awful, in fact, she stood high above the standards of most of her class, but she was no James Potter.

"Up for another, Ms. McDonald?" he smirked at her obviously drunken state.

"Of course, Mr," she hiccupped, "Mr. Potter. I demand seconds."

"Is this what they're calling seconds nowadays?"

"I suppose so," yawning, Mary grabbed her (sixth… seventh… eighth?) glass of Firewhiskey from Potter and trotted back to Fudge.

James leaned over the bar so he was eye level with Lily and spoke in a low tone, "How about you, Red?"

Lily leaned closer toward him and spoke with her regular tone of voice, "I'll help myself, thank you."

It had been a funny year, to say the least. Mary McDonald took up drinking as a heavy habit, James Potter stopped asking Lily out every week (it had now decreased to about once a month), Lily and James had both come to a certain friendship (or at least, they ceased to address each other by surname), and Severus Snape had avoided even looking at Lily.

"James Potter manning the bar? I thought Sirius would have died rather than to give up that responsibility."

"Sirius had more important motives for tonight," James nodded his head toward the couch where Sirius sat with Marlene McKinnon, another one of Lily's dorm mates, in an embrace that left barely enough space for a credit card to fit between them.

Lily dropped her gaze from the two lovers and raised her eyebrows at James. In the past, she had avoided these celebrations, for she never felt the desire to slur her speech or blur her vision. It was simply unappealing. But with the hollow feeling that often occupied her stomach whenever she encountered her old friend Severus, she needed the fire to rage through her veins and purge any ill feeling.

"Here," James fished in the back of a cabinet for a bottle of Firewhiskey. "This one's stronger. I was saving it for a special occasion, but I think you need it more than I do right now. To be honest, Red, you look like you're about to vomit."

Lily took the bottle from James' hand, uncorked the top, and took her last sober steps toward Mary.

"Come on, Mary," Lily tugged at Mary's shoulders, "That's enough. Time for bed."

Though it was only midnight (Mary had a tendency to get completely sloshed in short periods of time), Lily felt most secure with her friend safe and secure (more specifically, away from a sketchy looking Rufus Fudge) upstairs in the dormitory.

James watched Lily's red curls trail up toward the girls' dormitory. With one arm leaning on the bar and another with his hand ruffling his hair, James sighed.

**Author's Note**: As always, reviews are more than welcome!


	3. The Devil Wins

**Disclaimer**: I don't understand why I'm supposed to write one of these on every chapter. Harry Potter is still not mine. Stop crushing my dreams, FanFiction staff.

_Down that bottle like it's air, Lily Evans. It will make you feel better._

_Lily Evans, don't you dare. What would your mother say? _

_Your mother isn't at Hogwarts._

_What if something happens? You're not aware when you're drunk._

_Nothing is going to happen._

_If you're going to drink, at least do so responsibly!_

_Responsibility defeats the point of alcohol._

Lily Evans was sick of being responsible. She was sick of the burden of an angel and devil on either shoulder bickering about rights and wrongs. Why did she have to be responsible to stay away from a certain Slytherin who caused her so much strife? Why did she have to be responsible for her drunken friends? Why did she have to be responsible for passing her N.E.W.T.s? Why did she have to be responsible for all the students at Hogwarts as Head Girl? Why couldn't she just throw it all away?

Just one night wouldn't hurt, she thought. The stress had piled in shelves for the entire year. She resisted the Quidditch celebrations, spending each potentially eventful night in the library surrounded by mountains of books. After all, it was her _seventh_ year. It was her _last _year at Hogwarts. Her _last _hoorah. She tilted her head back and took a long gulp of the Firewhiskey, memorizing the burning sensation for future reference. The alcohol stung her blood and, with a few more swigs in her low-tolerant body, swayed her posture. Lily lowered herself into a chair in the corner of the room, cradling her bottle like a baby, with her legs tucked underneath her. She made idle chatter with her peers who surrounded her in neighboring seats and continued to drink from her beloved bottle.

"Ought to be careful there, Evans," said Kingsley Shacklebolt, eyeing her bottle of Firewhiskey.

"Go getchya own, Kings," slurred Lily.

She felt at peace with the alcohol swimming in her blood. The warmth brought red to her cheeks, causing her to look like a tomato with her already red hair. She emptied the bottle with one last sip and tilted her head back against the comfortable chair. She could have been floating on a cloud as she sunk into the fabric. Maybe it would swallow her whole. Maybe then when she was gone would Severus come to his senses.

"Come off it, mate," said Sirius. "You already know what she wants and doesn't want. Don't waste your time and my perfectly good Firewhiskey."

James leaned into the bar, pouring another glass for Bilius Weasley, "I ought to say you're right."

"I can't say when I'm not right, because I'm always right. And you're much too sober for my liking right now, Prongs." Sirius poured his best friend a tall glass of dark Firewhiskey, "Get sloshed."

"Mission accepted," nodded James solemnly.

"Victoria Thomas looks awfully lonely over there, don't you think?"

"Absolutely."

James really, honestly, and truly meant to head over to Victoria Thomas. She was fit, and she was an easy talker. On nights like this one, he'd prefer to just listen to the sound of someone rambling. It was a lot simpler than having to lead a conversation. It was unusual that James be so solemn on the night of a victorious Quidditch match. Any Gryffindor would expect Captain James Potter to be the drunkest of the night, the luckiest bloke. He took a swallow from the firewhiskey in his hand. Maube he just needed a bit more alcohol in his system.

But in a seat to the left of Victoria Thomas was a red-headed girl curled up asleep with an empty bottle of Firewhiskey. Though it was May, it was unusually chilly. He grabbed a blanket from a nearby couch and draped it over Lily's figure. She did not stir, but she clutched the bottle closer to her chest and tucked her head into the blanket.

James sat on the couch across from her, alone and holding on to a forgotten glass of firewhiskey as he tuned into the conversations around him.

"Fudge looked awfully upset when Evans dragged MacDonald up to her dormitory."

"Daisy Hookum, you are an_ animal_. CHUG, CHUG, CHUG!"

"OYE, you! You, over there. You're not even a _Gryffindor_. Get out of here!"

**Author's Note**: I apologize profusely for the unbelievably short chapters, but that's just the way I write. The last chapter is much longer than the previous ones, and it will be posted as soon as possible!


	4. Hollow

**Disclaimer**: Harry Potter… not mine. Okay.

Lily crashed into the greasy-haired boy in the dungeons. With a loud ompf, they both fell not-so-gracefully to the concrete floor. Before Lily could get up enough to rub the back of the sore lump on the back of her head, she felt her body freeze. Severus stood rigidly with his wand determinedly pointed at Lily's chest.

"How could you?" he snarled, "How could you just _forget_, Lily? We've been best friends since we were _nine_. You were _everything_. Two little words can't change that."

Lily felt her limbs unlock. She stood up weakly as she opened her mouth to speak, "What the bloody _hell_ are you doing, Severus Snape?"

Her growl, perhaps more intimidating than his, caused him to recoil.

"Two _little words_ are not all it was, and you bloody well know that. You chose, Snape. You chose _them_."

"And you chose _him_."

"I don't have any idea-"

"_POTTER_, Lily."

The disgust in his tone tarnished whatever little peace remained between them.

"_James Potter_," she sneered, "is twice the man you'll ever be."

Lily awoke with a start, though even more alarmed to find James Potter sitting across from her, staring blankly at the wall behind her, surrounded by almost a half dozen empty glasses.

She cleared her throat, head pounding, and said, "I could go for another bottle."

James' eyes flashed back into focus, and he raised his eyebrows at her, "Sirius!" he called.

"James, don't you think that's _enough_? You've gone through at least two bottles tonight, and I'm not your bloody butler."

"A bottle for the lady," he gestured sloppily toward Lily.

With an overly exaggerated bow, Sirius ducked back towards the bar.

"Lil," James leaned toward her with a concerned tone, "you're crying."

To be honest, Lily had not known there were tears in her eyes. At James' mention, she discovered them only to wipe them away without comment.

"Lily," he paused. Lily noticed that his eyes were glazed over, "what happened?"

"Delivery for Madame Evans," sang Sirius as he nearly tripped over the rug to hand Lily her bottle of Firewhiskey.

Lily uncorked the bottle immediately and took a long swig.

"I see someone's not in any rush," Sirius winked and took a seat next to James.

Soon after, Remus Lupin plopped down on the couch between Sirius and James.

"Where's Wormtail?" asked Sirius.

"Oh, he passed out ages ago," chuckled Remus.

Lily tuned out the marauders and took a look around the common room. It was much emptier than it had been just two hours ago when she had fallen asleep, though mostly seventh years remained. Mary MacDonald had evidently made her way back downstairs as she was currently dancing with Marlene McKinnon (though there was no music and no dance floor). Peter Pettigrew, who was clearly not out cold, clumsily handed out drinks from behind the bar.

Sirius clapped his hands together, drawing Lily's attention, "Who's up for some good old-fashioned games?"

"Depends what you mean by 'games'?" slurred James.

It was not often that James got drunk to the point of physical embarrassment, but he felt his cheeks grow warmer and his vocabulary grow looser with every drink.

"Strip poker," smirked Sirius slyly.

"Absolutely not," Marlene and Mary had joined the small group.

Together, everyone formed a slurring mess.

"Beer pong?" asked Remus.

"At least make it interesting, Moony," called Peter as he ambled over toward the group.

"How about 'Never Have I Ever'?" asked Marlene.

"Simple enough for our drunken minds," grinned Black. "Evans. You've been too quiet for my liking. You first."

"Never have I ever," Lily paused in thought, "kissed Marlene McKinnon."

"You did that on purpose, Evans," he snickered taking a swig from a bottle they passed around in a circle.

"Perhaps."

"Never have I ever received a detention," said James.

"Complete and utter bullshit, mate," Lupin laughed.

"Drink up, boys and girls."

James himself took a sip from the bottle as did Remus, Sirius, Peter, Mary, Marlene, and even Lily.

"You too, Red? What for?"

"I dumped a glass of pumpkin juice on Brevis Birch's head back in fourth year."

"So you're saying you haven't had a detention in three straight years? Damn, Evans," marveled Sirius.

"I take that as a challenge," James smirked.

"You can't make me get a detention."

"That you think, my friend."

"Never have I ever performed illegal magic," Remus grinned as James, Sirius, and Peter took drinks from the bottle.

"I'm not even going to ask," Mary said yawning.

A few more rounds revealed that James Potter had in fact had his first kiss before the age of thirteen, Mary MacDonald had dyed her hair at least three times, Remus Lupin and Lily Evans had never in fact used a charm to help him pass an exam, and Marlene McKinnon was not a virgin.

"Who's the lucky bloke," Sirius grinned.

"That's for me to know and you to ponder."

Sirius smirk faltered.

"See what you've done, Marlene? You and your lack of innocence have drowned the last bottle of firewhiskey," Sirius frowned.

"Empty bottles of firewhiskey make for great rounds of spin the bottle," Marlene sang, and everyone (in their hopeless drunken manners) agreed enthusiastically.

Mary, the first to spin, cringed after kissing Peter. Lily could have only imagined how a kiss from a boy who looked like a contorted mouse could be. She contorted her own features to match his but failed.

Wiping her lips, Mary stood and announced her departure. "Excuse me, I am going to go wash my mouth with soap and water." She stumbled up the stairs. Peter headed toward the bar to see if he could find another bottle of anything. Lily assumed it was to hide his blushing red cheeks.

Lily watched as the bottle spun from Marlene's hands toward Lupin. The look on Sirius' face screamed murder, but rules were rules. Marlene leaned in to kiss Lupin, and though it was a quick one, Lily thought there would be nothing wrong with kissing Remus Lupin (unless, of course, if you were dating Sirius Black).

Sirius stomped off toward his dormitory in a huff with Remus in his wake. Marlene realized her mistake one minute too late and sulked off toward the girls' dormitories.

"I don't leave things unfinished," sighed Lily, spinning the bottle between her and the only person left sitting across from her.

Alone in the common room with James Potter, her thoughts were much less cloudy (though the firewhiskey had taken its toll). The feeling in her stomach grew evermore prominent, and she sensed that the firewhiskey may not have been strong enough to fill the emptiness.

Before the bottle had even finished spinning, Lily leaned across and planted her lips on James'.

James, at first taken aback by Lily's sudden action, molded his lips into hers and moved along to her chosen rhythm. He pulled her by the hips into his lap. For so long he had wanted this closeness, but alas, it did not feel as he has imagined it should have.

_Lily Evans, what on earth do you think you're doing?_

_Hey, Red. This feels good. Don't stop. Just keep going. _

The firewhiskey flushed the angel and devil off of Lily's shoulders.

Lily stood with James, their lips still locked, as he lifted her legs from the ground and lay her on the couch. He fell on top of her, supporting his weight with his elbows as to avoid crushing her. Their tongues danced. She bit his bottom lip and wrapped her legs around his waist, drawing a moan. James allowed Lily space to crawl on top of him and he let his hands explore her curves which had always been hidden underneath her robes.

"Lily Evans," he mumbled, "I love you."

Lily froze. James opened his eyes.

Her ginger hair fell in waves next to his ear as she was still on top of him. His black locks were even more disheveled than usual. She rose from the couch quickly and turned toward the dormitory.

"Lily," he called.

His voice was filled with pain and a hint of anger. He had wanted this for so long. So long, and it still was not enough. They were both piss drunk. He wanted it to mean something.

"I do, and no matter how many times you reject me, I will never stop."

He ran a hand through his hair.

"I'm drunk," Lily said before she walked upstairs.

**Author's Note**: There it is! I've finished. This fic was almost abandoned, but I'm glad I ended it the way I did. Take it to mean what you wish, but if you're really concerned about my own direction, send me a private message. I hope you enjoyed it! I'm hoping to write more stories, most likely short chapter stories or one-shots, but I'm not sure when I'll get the chance. Applying to college is a very stressful process. And to think I started writing fics back in the eighth grade. Oh, how time has flown.


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